People who are capable of running a country are too preoccupied with making a fortune within industry. Those incapable of holding down a half decent job in industry go in for politics and then try and run the country.
The lease on the 'White House' goes up for sale every four years and is sold to the highest bidder. Providing they come to terms with the simple problem of counting the votes correctly in the first place. Another novel way to run a country.
The percentage vote at local elections. How can the democratically elected local authority claim to represent the majority when the following interesting statistics are applied? The average turn out, at a local election, is anywhere between 32 and 40%. So being generous and using 40% as the turn out figure, 51% have to vote for the winning party. 51% of 40% is 20.4%. So how can the winning party, who got there with 20.4% of the available votes claim to represent the majority? Not representing anyone but themselves and their vested interests they make a mess of the rest and as a result of this, at the next election, the 60% who didn't vote before, as either a protest or out of apathy, don't vote again this time. The die hard 19.6% still vote against, while the idiot 20.4% put them back in power. This is naturally taken as an overwhelming vote of confidence and so they embark on another period of incompetent and shambolic local government, with renewed vigour and confidence, as shown in them by the electorate, and the totally thick electorate whinge like hell yet live with it.
The Millennium Dome, at Greenwich, UK. The largest upturned Wok in the world and the cost of which would have gone a long way towards either curing cancer or feeding the Third World, or perhaps both. Either way had it failed to do either of those thing it would still have been a far more acceptable and lasting memory on which to celebrate 2000 years since the birth of 'Christ.'
Recently someone enquired what medication, legal or otherwise, those who conceived the whole idea were on and if it was readily available? As for the 2000 years, who can be sure of that, as the calender has been cocked up on more than one occasion during that time?
The young have no tolerance of the elderly because they have no experience of aging.
Whoever said, 'Nothing is impossible.' Never tried slamming a revolving door.
Surgeons love to operate on politicians. They have no brain, no heart, no guts, no spine and if the mouth is swapped with the arse no-one can tell the difference.
When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
Voluntary Organisation Funding. In the UK half, or perhaps more or maybe less, of the total economy is held up by Voluntary Organisations who beg, borrow and con public funding and voluntary contributions of cash from where ever they can. What do they do with it? They squander most of it on themselves in wages, pensions, office accommodation, transport, expenses, training, seminars and perks. Very little ending up going to the persons or place the Charity is set up to support and why do they get away with it? Because it keeps so many people employed that would otherwise show up on government unemployment statistics and that would never do.
In the UK Cancer Research is a Charity. Do they have a vested interest in finding a cure for cancer when to do so would throw so many, very highly paid people, out of work?
NHS (National Health Service) Funding. The finest Health Service in the World and down on its knees. Why? Because people are living longer than the age set at its concept. (A ministerial excuse). Subsequent governments have used the funding for other things i.e. to reduce taxes to catch votes at pre-election times and no specific fund was ever created and set aside to finance it. Which had that been the case, and all subsequent NHS contributions charged, over the years, paid into it, not only would it have been the best in the world it would have been the richest. Now they blame inefficiency on a lack of funding and when they allow things to get particularly bad, which they do regularly, and then make statements such as, 'millions will die this winter' or 'old folks and babies are now at risk.' Someone throws a chunk or cash at them, which they greedily grab and carve up among themselves as salary increases, using the excuse that the extra pay is needed to prevent the present incompetents from leaving. Nothing improves and everything goes on just as it was until the next round of silly statements and long waiting lists are resurrected by the media, short of a story.
Similar could also be said about the State Pension Scheme where millions qualify for State Handouts (DHSS) to bring them up to the Government's own declared poverty line. Compare the returns from the state, compulsory scheme, and any private pension scheme, for a comparable amount paid in. For what the average man has to pay into the State, he could, had he paid it into a private scheme, draw, on retirement probably double the national average wage. So if private investments can pay that amount, why not the government? Because the government used the money for other things and now that the average pensioner is living longer it cannot raise the cash to pay a decent retirement pension. The average working and struggling man and woman finds it extremely hard to part with cash on a voluntary basis, particularly for something that seems so far away, retirement. But the government could have collected it in the same manner they collect NHS contributions now and invested it for the benefit of the pensioners. But they didn't and now it is too late and so they don't bother and of course while they are paying 'top up' (DHSS) to millions does it not keep a lot of people employed? Of course it does, so yet another good reason not to bother, and those pensioners whingeing loudest about it now won't live that long anyhow, so let the next government deal with those that will replace them. Let us now review MP's salaries, perks and expenses. Who wants to nominate a pal or failed politician, to a permanent job in the EEC, that pays incredibly well and has no pension worries attached to it and sod the rest?
Does a sick Society throws up sick leaders? True or false?
Why do we all come across so many people who seem to think that the only thing they are employed to do is draw their salary?
Concerned parent following the first day at school of their pride and joy. 'Did you learn much at school, on your first day, then?'
Bright child. 'Apparently not enough because I have to go again tomorrow.'
How stupid can they get? Breaking a girls legs and stretching them just so that she will be tall enough to be an Air Hostess. Then having done so find not only has she failed to reach the required height but now needs more medical attention. (Nov. 2000. UK). Has no one told her that she will also require brains for the job, which give the impression of being sadly lacking, as they also would appear to be in anyone who would intentionally have their legs broken. Also would she, had she been successful, then have passed the medical and proved to have the correct degree of intelligence and personality or did she think she might get in on a sympathy vote? (And possibly on a pair of crutches had it all gone tragically wrong). The annoying thing about the whole affair is that it was financed and paid for by the state who are currently in crisis and cannot cope with their current demand for essential medical services and treatment. It could only happen in this crazy world and would probably have been cheaper had the government passed legislation reducing the minimum height requirements for Air Hostesses as they did for Policemen when they were having recruiting difficulties some time back.
What does a man do standing up?
A woman do sitting down?
And a dog do on three legs?
Hover your mouse pointer over the '?', for a few seconds, for the answer.
Thought for today, 'I AM SUCCESSFUL if only AS A PERSON.'
Say 'Hi' when I come in and 'Bye' when I leave and my day has been worth while. Omit just one and I begin to doubt it.
If you can read this as
read be to meant is it
and have read it as it
you then, written is
have mastered the noble
reading of art
BOUSTROPHEDEN.
and reading of art The
writing as all this is
to meant and written
be read. NO! Then read the first line left to right. The second line right to left. The third left to right and the forth, right to left and so on and then you will have mastered BOUSTROPHEDEN.
Put a little more in than you expect to get out and you will find that life appears to be much fairer.
I have graduated from The University of Life and can now put the following after my name,
PNCBW.
(Perhaps Not Cleaver But Wise)
You can't solve a problem with the same thinking that caused it.
Albert Einstein who died April 1955.
I finally found something to remove that ugly lump on my couch. It's called a divorce.
My thanks to those who have contributed a large proportion of the above.
On a group of beautiful deserted Islands, in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded.
Two Italian Men and one Italian Woman.
Two French Men and one French Woman.
Two German Men and one German Woman.
Two Greek Men and one Greek Woman.
Two English Men and one English Woman.
Two Bulgarian Men and one Bulgarian Woman.
Two Japanese Men and one Japanese Woman.
Two Chinese Men and one Chinese Woman.
Two Pakistani Men and one Pakistani Woman.
Two American Men and one American Woman.
Two Irish Men and one Irish Woman
Two Pimps and one Prostitute of unknown nationality.
One month later on these absolutely stunning deserted Islands, in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred.
One Italian Man has killed the other Italian Man for the Italian Woman.
The two Frenchmen and the French Woman are living happily together in a 'menge-a-trois'.
The two German Men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German Woman.
The two Greek Men are sleeping with each other and the Greek Woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two Englishmen are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English Woman.
The two Bulgarian Men took one long look at the endless ocean and another long look at the Bulgarian Woman and started swimming.
The two Japanese Men have Faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
The two Chinese Men have set up a Pharmacy/Liquor Store/Restaurant/Laundry and have got the Chinese Woman pregnant in order to supply future employees for their Store.
The two Pakistani Men have done nothing, as nothing has been arranged.
The two American Men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, because the American Woman keeps on complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfilment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is improving, and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.
The two Irishmen divided the Island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of Coconut Whiskey. But they are satisfied with that because at least the English aren't having any fun.
The two Pimps are fighting because the Prostitute is not bringing in enough to keep them both.
UNIVERSITY.
The place where you have three options,
To sleep,
To study,
Or to party.
But only get to pick two per semester.
In March 2001 a very serious outbreak of 'Foot and Mouth' disease was discovered in Sheep and Cattle in the UK.
A very Senior Minister stood up in the UK Parliament and declared,
'We have the disease under full control, we just don't know where it is going to break out next.'
Sometime later when mass vaccination was proposed to control the disease another Minister declared,
'We don't want to adopt mass vaccination, as to do so will loose us our 'Disease FREE status within the European Community.'
And these people run the country and are, to date, responsible for the culling of over a quarter of a million animals and have now brought in the Army to help in the madness of culling disease free stock to 'stop' the spread while there are still dozens of reported outbreaks every day.
Is the UK going Compensation Crazy?
An undercover policewoman at the centre of the Rachel Nickell murder investigation is to be awarded £200,000 compensation for stress caused by the case. This policewoman is now about to receive nearly 10 times the £22,000 offered in criminal injuries compensation to Rachel Nickell's son Alex who witnessed his mother being stabbed 49 times on Wimbledon Common.
How can they justify such a massive pay-out when the 36 year old policewoman was only doing her job, for which she is trained and paid for?
What next? Funeral Directors suing bereaved families for the stress caused by the sight of dead bodies.
A Dentist entered the London Marathon and in order to publicise his profession dressed up as a tooth. When passing the onlookers, one old guy was heard to mutter, 'Good job that bugger is not a Gynaecologist.'
My thanks to the Satirist John Fortune for the following.
'I am not talking about people bribing the Government - that's Corruption.
I am talking about the Government bribing the people - that's Democracy.
Overheard.
Vicar to Gardener, 'You in partnership with the Lord have done a wonderful job.'
Gardener, 'You should have seen it before I came and when the good Lord had it all to himself.'
